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Escape.

AFBA. Ashila. Christina. Dalton. Fanaa. Hazly. Hazziq. Jennie. Joey. Jun an. Jonathan. Liyana. Lutfi. May Chin. Shakila. Sharifah. Syadariena. Suhaila. W35M.



Scream(!)





Saturday, February 7, 2009
Title:

after a webcam with her,i suddenly felt low on my inner depths.it struck me hard.her hope on me was never at all,lest her ability to even think i would do something for her is close to zero.i admit,i am never a complete guy compared to others.other guys change and hopefully change for the better.how funny that i used the word hope.while i just promise her to change and do it for ahwile and just well go back to square one."i feel like i'm the guy in this relationship,i have to tell you to do stuffs".well at the rate i'm going,she will be sick of me.she even is sick of my attitude.something must change.thats why i'm cracking my head to find what solution to take.hmmmmms,quite contrarily,i never seemed to be able to change.all my life i hated myself for the choices i make and those i hurt.i never ever seem to get the guilt feeling out of me somehow.in my mind,its always been a whirlwind of thoughts and somehow like convolusions of the present state of my mind.i guess in dreams is where i can fully find inner peace and away from the realities of me.its hard,but i should really find a solution and fast.i wonder how long she got before she's sick of me.

i sometimes feel like complaining all my pains is like of no use as i deserved it.scratch,brusies,cuts,dislocate and all those stuffs are like payback and learning points.i cannot change or ove without pain.i would like to change,dont get me wrong,but at the rate im going,it just kills me to see her in tears.funny how i can stay late in the morning and running on a fever of 39.1 and just acccompany her while a small simple thing she asked me to do and i cannot do.i'm a dumbass.truth be told,i think i nid a smack on the head.i really am sorry for all the pain and suffering i caused her.i feel like poking needles in my hand right now.but i cant.i do not want to see her even more sad.my heart is confused,hurt,dissapointed,angry and restless.not at her but to myself.i can only pray and hope.hope is a funny thing actually.it fills us with sentiments and a so called standard.but it can break and kill you at the spot.if you're reading this sayang,im really sorry.i guess sorry lost it meaning when it comes to me.and do not worry abt me.i want to change for you.i really do.but hope is better put on urself than put on me before i earn it.

"Science cannot create hope,but with hope we can create science".



{/3:46 AM}
car crash love

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